yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
