You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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