I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
