I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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