omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
