Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
