Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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