There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
