meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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