I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
