Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
