Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
