are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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