Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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