And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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