you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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