he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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