is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
