Cold hands, warm shart.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
