What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
