Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
