Pappa wants mamma naked
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
