you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
