a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
