what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
