Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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