he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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