Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
