The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
