My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
