i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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