I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
