once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
