i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
