O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
