how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
