I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
