Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
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