He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
operation have a gay friend backfired
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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