Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
