We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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