There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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