jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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