i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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