all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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