Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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