im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
