so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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