You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
