It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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