I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
