To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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