But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
