she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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