There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
