Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
