I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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