He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
