My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
