A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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