no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good