you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Terrible idea I love it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!