he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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