After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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