remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
