I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
