...so i touched it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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