I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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