Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I believe in your delicious
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
