Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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