I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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