HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
