just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
