Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
