Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
