i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
