So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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