i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
