i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
