i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
