Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
